Marriage is Work in Progress:
Marital problems are real and the bitterness usually justified. If you’ve been hurt by your partner, it is advisable to confront the problem calmly. Do not harbor the pain inward or compare yourself with other married couples because each marriage is unique in its own way.
I once spoke to a lady who wished to be in her neighbor’s position; because they seemed to be in a happy marriage. The fact is, people don’t announce their issues to the outside world. They keep their domestic problems behind closed doors. Smile and public hands holding can hide much.
No relationship is a complete smooth sail because nobody is perfect. Surprisingly the reason most marriages don’t heal is not only the problem at hand but also the prideful bitterness the wronged partner guard in their heart. Almost all break ups and divorce happen because of the hurting partner.
Bitterness Cuts the Host:
Bitterness is a blade meant to hurt someone else but it eventually serves the hand that conceals it. When it finds a place in a relationship, it destroys the foundation one step at a time. It stores itself in the soul slowly poisoning the one who carries it.
When you harbor resentment, love becomes numb and hardens the heart. Unfortunately at this point most people walk out. I have learned from talking to married couples that it is common for a wife or husband to say or do something disapproved by the other.
These things are bound to happen. But in some cases, a spouse forms a repetitive pattern regardless of being confronted. To the wronged partner, each hurtful action takes residence in the heart. It reaches a point when there’s no more room left. Thus the beginning of bitterness manifestation and damage beyond repair.
Communicate your Feelings:
If you are in such a position, the truth is, bitterness doesn’t give your spouse a chance to seek forgiveness or even change. As a matter of fact, they may not even know to what level they’ve offended you. Your bitterness comes from the hurts you suppressed without communicating.
Women are especially guilty here, I used to do it and know many women who still do. We tend to hold things inside expecting our husbands to read between the lines. Imagine taking a bottle and filling it up with pressure. It will eventually explode right?
In the same way, the outburst in your heart can result in a broken marriage. Your husband on the other hand may have no idea what’s going on. He may not even see it coming. I think women need to open up a little bit more. Communicate your feelings, don’t show them, your husband can not read your mind.
We all know that men love to fix things, he will do what’s necessary to make things work. I will write a different article about us women and how we push our husbands away.
Bitterness Spreads Fast:
Perhaps your spouse is aware of your unhappiness but continues in the same patterns. It happens especially if he/she is trying to stir something up. The situation here is totally different and it calls for stronger measures like counseling.
However, this does not negate your responsibility to remove bitterness from your heart. You still need to at least be kind enough to set yourself free from stress related health issues. Bitterness will give your future health a bitter struggle. Nothing is worth your own health, take care of yourself, things can get better if dealt with rightfully.
I like to compare bitterness with wild-fire. Deadly wild-fire like the one we had ranging in California can begin with something as simple as a flat tire or tossed cigarette butt. That spark, combined with tinder-dry forests and howling winds, can be all that’s needed for a catastrophic wildfire to start.
Bitterness grows in the same way. One little bit of bitterness can spread throughout your heart and finally take over your whole body. It starts to manifest itself in your attitude, demeanor, and finally your health.
In addition, the spreading will affect your children and family. Your criticism will make everyone critical. When you reach this point, it is not possible to make any sound decisions. There’s too many voices. The only way to start working towards reconciliation is to let go all bitterness.
A Positive Attitude is Attractive:
Find some undistracted time to discuss the issue with your spouse. If you find it hard to talk to him/her alone, find a close friend mentor. We all have one. Remember to speak in love, rationally and gently. Talk about all your hurts without being critical.
Finally when all is said and done. Work on yourself, not your spouse. He/she is the only one who can change themselves. You do not have the power to do so. The only part you can play, if you want to see some permanent changes is to pray. The greatest inspiration that can trigger change, with your spouse is your attitude. You might end up in the best marriage ever.
I’ve seen damaged relationships fully restored and the couple’s live happily there after. Most problems occur due to lack of knowledge. It is okay to seek help especially if you are stuck in hurtful cycle of marital problems.