The number one thing a woman needs from her husband

By Jimmy Evans, Op-Ed Contributor

The number one thing that a normal, healthy woman needs her husband to provide is security.

Ephesians chapter 5 is God’s picture of marriage. The theme of Ephesians for women is respect. God says to treat your husband with honor. Treat him as you would the Lord Jesus, because your husband’s most important need is honor.

The standard in Ephesians for a husband is different than it is for a wife. It says for men, “Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That means the standard for husbands is self-sacrifice.

Think of Jesus. We don’t have to love Jesus. The reason we love Jesus is because he died for us on the cross. Jesus is not an imposing God who stands over us demanding something. Jesus went to the cross and did for us what we could never have done for ourselves. And so, Jesus is the most loved person of all time. More than any political leader, or any other person in the history of the world, people love Jesus Christ, because Jesus was willing to give his life up for someone else.

Husbands can earn respect in the same way. Husbands can’t demand respect or affection from their wives. We can’t go around demanding it, but we can earn it. Admiration and affection come by what we’re willing to sacrifice.

There is nothing that makes a woman feel more secure than a selfless, sacrificial male. There’s nothing that makes a woman feel more insecure than a selfish, detached male.

Men don’t need security the way women need security. We need security, but we feel secure in ourselves. That’s why we won’t stop and ask for directions. We think, “I can get there.” As a result, in my family, were great explorers. I have a compass “in here.” I think I’ve got it taken care of. But my wife’s saying to ask for directions because her security doesn’t come from “in here.”

The need for security is not a weakness. It’s based on need. She needs for her world to be right. She needs you. She needs your gift. She needs your strength. She needs your understanding and your partnership to help put her world right. She needs a husband who comes to her and says, “I’m here to help. And I’ll sacrifice. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

For a man to have a successful marriage means he has to learn to understand everything in his wife’s life that makes her feel secure. It may mean you’re concerned about the kids. You’re concerned about the finances. You’re concerned about her emotions. You’re concerned about the spirituality of the home. You’re concerned about her job. You’re concerned about the broken washing machine.

Then you communicate that you’re going to help her. You let her know you’re going to come into her world and make her feel secure rather than telling her, “It doesn’t matter.” Or, “Who cares?” Or, “It’s going to be alright.”

Some things that don’t bother a man really, really bother a woman. All the lectures in the world will never change her, no more than she will change you when she feels insecure. There’s only one thing that will make her feel secure: knowing that you care. It doesn’t matter that you agree or don’t agree. It doesn’t matter that you see it the same way. The only thing that matters is that she feels secure.

When Karen and I first got married, I was completely selfish. I would golf all the time, work all the time. Then I’d come home and Karen would say, “I’m worried about the kids,” “I’m worried about our finances,” “I’m worried about this and that.” So, I would just kind of look at her. Sometimes I’d lecture her. I’d say, “It’s fine,” or “there’s nothing to worry about.” I noticed that none of this ever helped. When I said, “It’s going to be okay,” instead of calming her, she would just get tense. I’d think, “What’s wrong with you? Relax!”

She couldn’t communicate to me, “I’m tense because you don’t care. You’re not tuned in. You don’t listen to me. It’s just all about you. I’m telling you, I’m worried about the kids and I don’t want a lecture. I don’t want you to roll your eyes at me. I don’t want you to tell me it doesn’t matter. Or that it’s going to be okay. I want you to connect. I want you to understand, and I want you to help me make it right.”

A husband’s response at those times should be, “Whatever it takes. If I have to say no to my friends, if I have to say no to work, if I have to say no to myself, if I have to say no to football, I’ll do it.”

I remember the first time I looked at Karen and said, “I’m sorry that I’ve been insensitive. I’ve invalidated everything you’ve said. I’ve rolled my eyes. I’ve lectured you. I’ve called you names. I’ve treated you like you were stupid. I’m so sorry that I’ve done that. From now on, whatever you need, I’ll get it. If we need to talk, we’ll talk. It doesn’t mean you’re right about everything but if you say something that is a genuine need, you don’t have to ask twice. I’m committed.”

And here was her response: she relaxed. I had tried to lecture her and browbeat her into relaxing and never got it. But when I finally connected with her and began sacrificially meeting her needs that’s when she began to relax and open up to me.

Marriage is so much easier when you just become humble and say, “Tell me what you need and what you want me to do.”

Take the next step to a great marriage by joining me for Promise Keepers’ Men’s Marriage Challenge designed with tons of game-changing marriage content with men in mind. Any man, anywhere, at any time, can join the challenge through the free Promise Keepers app.

For more information, visit promisekeepers.org/marriage/

Jimmy Evans is the founder and President of XO Marriage, a ministry that is devoted to helping couples thrive in strong and fulfilling marriages and families. Jimmy and his wife, Karen, co-host MarriageToday, a nationally syndicated television program. He also serves as an Apostolic Elder of Trinity Fellowship Church in Amarillo, Texas. Jimmy holds an honorary doctorate of literature from The King’s University and has authored more than seventeen books.

https://www.christianpost.com/voice/the-number-one-thing-a-woman-needs-from-her-husband.html

The Gateway Drug to Infidelity

• April 29, 2020 Brie Gowen

Opinions will differ. Some women will be flabbergasted at the thought, but many others are more accepting. The majority see it as an innocent substitution for when they cannot please their spouse, or perhaps even a great way to spice up their sex life. Some couples watch it together, while other women just see it as something men will do regardless. As if men are animals without control over their own sexual restraint. I recently saw this overwhelming acceptance of porn played out on a social media discussion and it saddened me so much. I realized it broke my heart because I once used to feel the same way.

I said as much to my spouse when he couldn’t understand why women didn’t see a problem with porn. I had in front of me a rare man, a lover of Jesus, who understood that pornography was demeaning to men and women alike, so I had to explain the way I used to think to him.

I used to not see a problem with porn. In fact, in all honesty, I enjoyed it. I used to watch it with my ex-husband, and porn was just a normal part of our relationship. As a wife, I wanted to keep my man happy, and if that meant being cool with strip clubs and nudie flicks then that was what I did. I thought that was normal. I thought it was healthy. I thought it was good for my marriage. But I was wrong.

The eyes are windows to the soul, so when you allow images to enter your heart that shouldn’t be there you will be negatively affected. You might not realize it at first, but eventually, it wreaks havoc on your relationship. It’s poison. It’s a fantasy that you can never emulate, not that I’m sure why any of us would want to.

Pornography gives you a false sense of sex. It takes out the love and makes it all about physical pleasure, and that’s not what marriage is at all. Porn doesn’t allow real people with real problems that must be worked out. It doesn’t deal with body image issues postpartum, but instead creates an unrealistic body ideal. Porn wrecks self-esteem of the watcher.

Pornography makes sex a game. It often depicts women being used and abused for the pleasure of a man like they are less than human. It’s animalistic in nature, makes it appear like women enjoy being weak and violated, and it’s no wonder it creates a false opinion of what women want and how they should be treated. Porn destroys healthy sexual relationships in marriage by trying to twist them into something they were never meant to be.

Pornography is an outlet for sexual pleasure. It’s an easy way for men and women alike to self-satisfy without the messy (to mean, it requires) work of a real sexual encounter with their mate. I’ll be blatantly honest at this point for the purposes of this post. Neither myself nor my husband masturbates. When we want sexual satisfaction we find it with each other. Even when we’re tired or we’re not in the mood individually we will get there for the other. There’s no time or need for another sexual outlet in our relationship. We’ve got that base covered just fine. Porn takes the place of healthy, frequent sex in marriage.

Pornography is real. I think the biggest lie we tell ourselves is that porn isn’t cheating because it’s not real people who are a real threat. It’s just a movie, or just a magazine, but what we forget is behind that camera there’s real people having real sex. They’re getting paid to have sex on screen to give you sexual pleasure. So how is that much different than prostitution? How can a wife get mad at their husband for messaging a woman on Facebook, but not bat an eye when he ejaculates over the image of a real woman being sodomized on the TV screen? Don’t for a minute think that he’s not picturing her face when he later has sex with you. Just being honest.

Because here’s the truth about porn. It seeps inside your mind and changes how you view intimacy. It changes how you are sexually excited, and it creates a wedge between a husband and wife even if they aren’t immediately aware. It’s a gateway drug to infidelity, and it’s a substitution for intimacy in your own home. It’s a lie that twists the perception of the viewer and tries to diminish its participation in the destruction of so many lives.

Have you ever wondered about the people on the screen? Or is it easier to imagine they aren’t real? Sadly they are real people with real hurts that cause them to make the choices they do. Some are victims of child abuse, sex trafficking, or other atrocities you don’t even want to fathom. They are real people being violated and humiliated for your viewing pleasure. Imagine if that was your daughter on that screen? Or your son? If you wouldn’t want to watch your own child in a porn then why do you not have a problem watching someone else’s child on the TV?

I don’t say any of this from a pedestal, but rather from a regrettable place. I’ve been there, done that, and told myself there was really no harm. I told myself it was fun, and I told myself it was helping my marriage rather than admitting the truth that it was killing it. One factor (among many) in the dissolution of my first marriage was an acceptance of pornography in our lives. I never want my words to be received as condemning, but rather me trying to pass along the things I’ve learned along the way.

Last night, I explained to my current husband that women were different than men. Sex for men is more physical, while sex for women is more emotional. Often times women will accept pornography into their marriage because they think it’s a nice additive to the sexual relationship. They like the fantasy, and their husbands like it all. Many women think porn is just something you do in your relationship, like buying lingerie to spice things up. What we don’t see is that porn is a sneaky mistress we let inside our marriages that steal our husbands’ hearts.

Laugh all you want, and say that I’m taking it too seriously, but perhaps consider this. You are worthy. While I share from experience, mostly I share from a place of love. Because you are worthwhile, and you are special and precious. And you are all your husband needs. Or you should be! When God saw Adam was lonely He created Eve. He didn’t create Eve and a good DVD. Eve was enough, and so are you. There shouldn’t be room in your marriage bed for any other woman, even the one you think is “fake” on the television. Women should be demanding complete monogamy and faithfulness in their marriages because we deserve it. We tell ourselves porn isn’t competing with us or taking away from our marriages, but that is the biggest lie out there. Porn is destroying marriages, the lives of the people on the screen, and the minds and ideals of anyone who views it. It’s the most accepted form of spiritual death out there, and sadly most wives are okay with it. It’s the sneaky mistress we open the door for and invite inside on a regular basis, and until we lock the door to it, our marriages will continue to suffer.

—-

Brie Gowen is a 30-something (sliding ever closer to 40-something) wife and mother. When she’s not loving on her hubby, chasing after the toddler or playing princess with her four-year-old, she enjoys cooking, reading and writing down her thoughts to share with others. Brie is also a huge lover of Jesus. She finds immense joy in the peace a relationship with her Savior provides, and she might just tell you about it sometime. She’d love for you to check out her blog at BrieGowen.com.

The Gateway Drug to Infidelity

4 Strong Ways to Reconnect With Your Husband

By Sheila Wray Gregoire -January 31, 2021

“How do I reconnect with my husband?” That’s a question I get in various forms from so many of you who email. Life has gotten too busy, you feel like you pass like ships in the night, and you just want to feel like you know each other again. As we progress into the new year, I thought it would be a good idea to look again at how to reconnect with your husband if you feel as if the previous year–or years!–has made you grow apart. 

Here, for instance, are two questions quite typical of many that come in to the blog:

I am married to an emotionally distant man. We go through the motions of being married, but I have no idea what’s actually going on in his heart. In fact, I doubt there’s much there at all. And he certainly has no idea what’s going on in mine! We only have one child left at home and I’m afraid that when he leaves for college we’ll have nothing left between us.Another woman writes:

I’m tired of feeling all alone! My husband doesn’t want to do anything except play on his computer or play video games. We never spent any time together. Shouldn’t marriage be about the two of you? I don’t know how much more loneliness I can take.

Okay, those are rather sad to start off our year. But I know many of you are lonely. So let’s set the stage here on what emotional connection looks like, what it doesn’t look like, and how we can move towards reconnecting.

Some truths about emotional connection

Connection is based on communication. In order to reconnect with your husband, there are five different levels of communication: cliches, facts, opinions, feelings, needs.

We can share facts about our day–“It was so busy today, the last client didn’t leave until 5:15, and I didn’t think I was going to get out of there.”

But we can also share feelings: “I’m not even sure I like this job. People put so many demands on you and it all seems so pointless. We’re not producing anything worthwhile anyway.”

And then you can get to the point of sharing needs: “I just feel like there’s more to life than this. When I’m in my shop with a saw and some wood, I feel like I’m creating something. But all day long at work I feel like I’m just chasing paper, playing some big game, that doesn’t mean anything. I need more than that.”

Do you see the difference?

Many couples never get beyond facts or opinions.

Here’s the problem: when you’re stuck at the facts or opinions level, tension is going to start to build up, because you’re not really emotionally connected. You don’t know anything about what’s going on in each other’s hearts.

And so with each interaction that is only surface level, it’s going to feel like you’re actually growing more distant. That’s right: talking may actually make you feel worse, if the talking isn’t about something important.

And you can’t just jump over several levels of communication and expect to be able to reconnect with your husband and get truly vulnerable or talk about your needs without starting to share consistently at some of the other levels.

That’s why the answer to grow emotional connection isn’t necessarily to do something big. If you start insisting on a date night, for instance, where it’s supposed to be all romantic, you’re almost guaranteed to be disappointed and hurt. There’s too much tension there to have the date night go well! Instead, it’s better to start with little things to put into your day that can help you connect, and then, once that connection is starting to be there, add some bigger things to your life regularly that are low-stress and low-pressure.

But first, a few more truths about how to reconnect with your husband:

Truth #1: Most men are not emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable

Some men may indeed be emotionally unavailable, but what I’ve found in so many marriages is that the couple has built up patterns of interaction that have made sharing feelings hard.

So ask yourself this–when we were dating, did I know what my husband was feeling and thinking? Did he talk about his needs? Was he vulnerable to me? If so, it’s unlikely he’s suddenly become completely emotionally unavailable. It’s more likely that life has made him stressed, or that you’ve gotten into negative patterns of relating that have cut you both off from each other.

If he never opened up to you, and you never felt emotionally close, that’s a bigger problem, and may require a licensed counselor.

Truth #2: Most people actually want a good marriage

The vast majority of people rank having a good marriage as a major goal of theirs.

Often when we’re distant, though, we assume: “he must be angry at me and doesn’t really love me anymore.” We project negative feelings on our husbands that they may not actually have. He just may feel awkward, stressed, or unsure of what to do. Most likely he wants to feel closer to you, too! But he probably feels a lot of failure when he’s around you, because you’re likely upset at the lack of communication, and he senses it. And when a guy senses that he’s disappointed you, he will tend to retreat.

Of course he shouldn’t do that! But that’s not really the point right now: the point I want you to grasp is that your husband most likely wants to reconnect with you, too! Few people honestly want to go through life feeling distant from their spouse.

So here’s your assignment: assume the best of him. Assume that he is not deliberately keeping you at arm’s length. It will make a huge difference!

(Again, if he honestly doesn’t want the best, then I’d suggest seeing a licensed therapist, but in the majority of cases, the husband does care). 

Truth #3: Most people are lazy

We fall into these ruts, like playing video games all night or watching Netflix and never talking. And then those turn into habits. It’s hard to break a habit unless there’s something else vying for our attention. If you guys are used to separating at night, it’s going to be hard to start doing something together unless there’s an actual option ahead of you. So when he goes off and gets back on his computer after dinner, it isn’t necessarily that he’s deliberately abandoning you. He’s developed a habit. And he isn’t likely to break that habit unless there’s something else on the agenda for that night.

Truth #4: Men tend to appreciate low-key communication

Or, to put it another way, women tend to be more comfortable communicating face to face, when we’re sitting across the table sharing our hearts. Men tend to open up more when they communicate side by side, when they’re doing something together. If you try to force him to sit down and talk to you, he’ll likely feel very uncomfortable, like he’s on the spot. So try reconnecting by actually doing something!

Again–these are generalities. In your marriage it may work the other way, and sometimes different personality types make communication preferences quite different from what we’d normally assume. But often the generalities ring true!

This article originally appeared here, and is used by permission.

Read Next on Thriving Marriages  5 TED Talks for Your Marriage

4 Strong Ways to Reconnect With Your Husband

Family Duty by John Bunyan a Free PDF and Review

May 27, 2021 by SLIMJIM

John Bunyan. Family Duty.  Pensacola, FL: Chapel Library, July 12th 2016. 35 pp.

4 out of 5

Free: Chapel Library

Want a booklet on a biblical view of family?  Specifically would you want to have something to read concerning the roles of a husband, wife, father, mother, and children?  This is one that I would recommend.  I read this in one sitting and pulled nearly an all-night reading since it was spiritually edifying.  This booklet is by the famous preacher and Christian author John Bunyan.  It is amazing to think that he died in 1688 but his work is relevant for the 21^st Century; that is a testimony of how when writers focus on being biblical it always is timely.

The booklet is divided into four parts.  Part one is on the duty of fathers, the next part is duty of wives, then duty of parents to children and finally duty of children to parents.  Each of these four sections have further subsections in typical Puritan fashion.  For instance under duty of fathers there is “Duty to the Family’s spiritual needs” and “Duty to the Family’s Outward needs.”  The section for duty of parents to children have three points: Instruction, Correction and Cautions.

I thought this booklet was biblical and practical.  For instance in the exhortation towards fathers the author said we must distinguished between offenses a family member has against you versus directly against God.  It is important as Bunyan note that if it is towards us primarily we should forgive.  I would also add to Bunyan’s observation that if it is directly towards God the offense as the primary motivation of a family members’ transgression we shouldn’t take it so personally; though we should care and pray about it and respond properly.  I also thought the advice to both husbands and wives of those married to unbelieving spouse were also quite pastoral of Bunyan and also practical.  For something written in the seventeenth century readers might assume it is unhealthily patriarchal but there is a respect of wives Bunyan has that’s driven by the Word of God.  My favorite quote from the booklet is “The wife is master next after her husband, and is to rule all in his absence” (15).  It stood out to me as a good reminder that my wife is a leader of my family specifically with my kids.  So it’s important I guide and lead her to also cultivate her as a spiritual leader of my children.

An edifying read.  Even if you think you are well versed with a biblical view of marriage I think this is still worthwhile as it’s something to refocus our duty whether we are children or a parent.

https://veritasdomain.wordpress.com/2021/05/27/free-pdf-and-review-family-duty-by-john-bunyan/#more-28484

Prophet, Priest, and King

The High Calling of Christian Husbands

Article by Greg Morse Staff writer, desiringGod.org

As our cultural moment seems to spiral into greater disorder, men of God do well to ensure that they attend to their own households. With so much happening beyond our walls, the temptation can be to neglect what happens within them.

We can fail to realize that our homes are precisely where many ungodly arrows are aimed. The attempts to redefine marriage, maleness and femaleness, and what constitutes a “modern” family are swings of the ax at the same trunk. The Christian household, in glad submission to God’s design, has been secularism’s target all along. Our churches will be strengthened, and the trajectory of culture helped, when more of us resolve with Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

While new and noisy paths are laid in Sodom, we should heed the prophetic voice: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls” (Jeremiah 6:16). Progress, for us, will look like a return to an ancient path: the path of rebuilding a spirit of worship in our homes, of reclaiming and defending the Christian household. And godly men will lead the way.

As for My House

Men, no one influences the spiritual climate of our homes like we do. If we are lukewarm and careless, we send a spiritual draft throughout the household. If we burn as a furnace for the Lord, even the most antagonistic child within our walls will not but feel the warming influence.

“Our great aim is to lead our families in a way worthy of God. Why else are they put under our care?”

Our great aim is to lead our families in a way worthy of God. Why else are they put under our care? To help us think through how to do this, I believe it helpful to borrow from the classic categories applied to Christ: prophet, priest, and king. We are prophets who speak the word over our households; priests who give ourselves to intercessory prayer, speaking to God on behalf of our loved ones; and kings who govern, defend, and provide for them.

PROPHET

As prophets in our homes, we have the great privilege to speak the words of God to our family. We are spiritual shepherds. Too few today know the joys of hearing a father earnestly, joyfully, humbly giving voice to the words of God in Scripture. But what many of us did not experience as sons, we can give as fathers, God helping us.

We speak to exhort, encourage, and charge our children to a life worthy of God. Paul recognizes this when he says, “Like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God” (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12). We not only exhort, but encourage. Not only encourage, but exhort. This extends to our most beloved companion as well, as God charges us to love her like Christ did his church, washing her with the word (Ephesians 5:25–27).

PRIEST

As priests in our homes, we get to intercede for our family before God. In a heart-stirring account, John G. Paton, the great missionary among cannibals, recalled his upbringing:

How much my father’s prayers at this time impressed me I can never explain, nor could any stranger understand. When, on his knees and all of us kneeling around him in Family Worship, he poured out his whole soul with tears for the conversion of the Heathen world to the service of Jesus, and for every personal and domestic need, we all felt as if in the presence of the living Savior, and learned to know and love him as our Divine friend. (21)

Kneeling together, pouring out our souls in supplication for our family, our churches, our nation, and the lost world — this is a mighty inheritance to leave our children. Whether before them or in the secret place, we get the high privilege to labor in prayer to God on their behalf.

KING

God has firmly written into the nature of every man to lead, provide for, and defend those in his charge. As societies descend into ungodliness, this category of the three is the last to depart. It is a groveling existence for any man — Christian or non-Christian — to abdicate his kingly duties; indeed, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).

Though under attack from all sides, the man, as head, makes decisions for his family (both popular and unpopular). Because he loves those affected by his choices, he considers their perspective before steering to the left or to the right. He does not micromanage, but he does actually drive from the driver’s seat. He leads his children and his queen as he follows Christ, his head (1 Corinthians 11:3). Mature masculinity governs its household well (1 Timothy 3:4).

He also leads in ways many kings of the world, untutored in the lordship of Christ, wouldn’t dare. He doesn’t just take up the privileges of authority, but its responsibilities, bending low to carry physical, emotional, and spiritual burdens for the family, and doing so with joy. His sacrifice extends, if it is necessary, even to a cross in the imitation of his Savior. And he leads his family in other unflattering tasks such as confession and repentance. His glorious crown is one of thorns.

Three Men in One

Considering these categories, I find it all too easy to play to my strengths and avoid the discomfort of being seen as weak in the other areas. Isn’t being a prophet of the home sufficient? I have found that those around me are affected when I am weak in any of these three callings. None can be safely neglected.

Consider, then, what we need to hear if we simply content ourselves to operate in one office to the neglect of the other two.

Word to Prophets

What happens when we speak God’s word to our families as prophets, but do not take up the mantle of king or priest?

We might seem faithful in teaching the word. The atmosphere in our homes will be filled with godly content. We will remind them of the immortality of their souls, the great danger of sin, the need for Christ’s righteousness and regeneration, the bliss of union with our Lord, and the joys of a coming world with him in glory. But the great danger for us, if we teach much but pray and govern little, is to lose spiritual power and respect in the home.

First, we will lie in danger of becoming a teacher lacking unction. Our words will lack the heavenly taste, the gravitas, the indescribable influence required to make your teaching most profitable. Teaching good theology while praying little is akin to a heavy bird flapping with small wings. The word of God will not return void, yet do not forget, “The kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power” (1 Corinthians 4:20).

Second, we will risk not being taken seriously in the home. If we do not make decisions to govern well on behalf of the family, how can we really oversee souls? “If someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:4–5). For the bookish among us, what if we learned how to do things around the house, how to be more decisive? What if we worked to attain competencies beyond our study? If we spend more time on our knees and more time engaged in the concerns of daily life, might our excellent words be better received?

Word to Priests

What happens when we pray much, but fail to lead and instruct?

It cannot be denied: if we pray, we do well. But if we seek only to bless them with secret words in our closets or with hurried prayers before meals, will we not soon find our prayers becoming shallower and our exhortations weaker (if we attempt them at all)? Would you be a man “praying at all times in the Spirit,” yet stripped of the Spirit’s sword (Ephesians 6:17–18)? We will not be content to merely exhale our family’s concerns to God, but also inhale God’s word and speak it to them.

“Whether before our families or in the secret place, we get the high privilege to labor in prayer to God on their behalf.”

And if we neglect governing, perhaps we will fail to see how we can be the extension of God’s arm in our family beyond prayer. Their concerns are our prayerful and practical concerns. We do not send them off to be warmed and filled elsewhere, but we pray and then turn to do what we can for them. We take our wife on dates, throw the football around with our son, listen to our daughter’s anxieties and dreams. We endeavor to bless their minds and bodies along with their souls — inside our closets and out.

Word to Kings

What happens when we serve as king, but not as prophet or priest?

We may govern an orderly home. We may labor admirably for our family and pride ourselves in our self-discipline. But ours will be a spiritually impoverished household. For all our earthly forethought and provision, we will have left those under our care exposed to unseen foes — the most dangerous enemies — and failed to fill their plates with what Jesus calls “the good portion” (Luke 10:42).

And if we are not given to prayer and God’s word, our self-resolve will grow thin, our strength will fail, for “even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted” (Isaiah 40:30). We will not know what it is to “mount up with wings like eagles” (Isaiah 40:31) because we won’t wait on the Lord, nor cry out like that king of old, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:12).

But add to our kingliness the speaking of God’s word over our family and prayerful intercession for them, and we will rain down blessing upon their heads and fortify them against the evil one. We will grow in stature in their eyes and be kings worthy of the name.

Of Prophets, Priests, and Kings

Acting as prophet, priest, and king in our homes is a simple way to consider what it means to be a Christlike head of the household. We imitate (not replace) Christ, who is our mediating Prophet after Moses (Deuteronomy 18:15), our Great High Priest who intercedes for us (Hebrews 4:14–16), and our Anointed King of Psalm 2, to whom all must bow and kiss his ring.

Lastly, then, I commend family worship as a great place to exercise the two most neglected offices of our day: priest and prophet. One simple structure for family worship is to pray (priestly), read Scripture and share a thought from what you read (prophet), and pray again. Consider also singing a song of praise together. This could take ten minutes, or you could linger longer. Consistency is key.

As unbelievers go from bad to worse, both society and the church are in need of God-fearing, Christ-loving, and Spirit-filled households. And men, it has been given to us to be Christlike leaders — in the word, on our knees, and over our homes — as we care for the immortal souls entrusted to our headship.

Greg Morse is a staff writer for desiringGod.org and graduate of Bethlehem College & Seminary. He and his wife, Abigail, live in St. Paul with their son and daughter.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/prophet-priest-and-king

The Viruses That Kills Marriages

God’s Gift July 12, 2020

THESE ARE THE VIRUSES THAT KILL MARRIAGES?

· *Lack of knowledge of the Word of God*
Kills marriage

· *Laziness
Kills marriage
· *Suspicion*
Kills marriage

· *Lack of trust*
Kills marriage
· *Lack of mutual respect*
Kills marriage

· *Unforgiveness*
Kills marriage -(Forgiveness is not optional but mandatory)

· *Arguments*
Kill marriage

· *Keeping secrets from your spouse*
Kills marriage

· *Every form of infidelity*
Kills marriage
-(financial, emotional, psychological, material, etc)

· *Poor communication*
Kills marriage

. *Lies*
Easily kill marriage,
-(be sincere to your spouse in every aspect)

· *Relating more with your parents than your spouse*
Kills marriage

· *Nagging*
Kills marriage

· *Too much talk and careless talk*
Kills marriage

· *Spending less or little time with your spouse*
Kills marriage

· *Being too independent minded*
Kills marriage

· *Love for party, money and spending/partying*
Kills marriage

· *Exposing the inadequacies of your spouse to your parents or siblings or friends*
Kills marriage

· *Not being steadfast/fervent in the spirit*
Kills not only marriage but your life

· *Spurning  to reject with disdain or contempt ) correction and reprimand*
Kills marriage

· *Always wearing a sad face and being moody*
Kills marriage

· *FEMINISM ADVOCACY*
Kills marriage

· *Uncontrolled or hot temperament*
Kills marriage

· *Not understanding your role and position in marriage as instituted by God*
Kills marriage

· *Not being sensitive to the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of your spouse*
Kills marriage

· *When anything threatens the position/security of a wife, her reaction(s) will be detrimental to her marriage.*

· *Lack of knowledge of the Word of God*
Kills marriage

*Please, save a marriage today by sharing this.*

May God bring HEALING to every TROUBLED Home and Family
*Amen & Amen*

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE VIRUSES THAT KILLS MARRIAGES?

Testimony: At Gunpoint God’s Grace Prevails!

 

June 28, 2019 hepsibahgarden

They that trust upon the Lord are as steady as Mt. Zion and nothing can move them.

Some time back, I heard this beautiful testimony of a sister who loved the Lord dearly. Once she lived a life without knowing Him. But the day she got to know about Jesus, she fell in love with Him. There was no turning back thereafter. She was regular with fellowship, attended all Church meetings and had a close walk with Jesus. Many were blessed by her life and deeds.

But her husband was a non-believer. He wasn’t very happy with his wife going to church regularly and being so much into “Jesus”. Slowly he began putting obstacles before her so that she would lose interest and gradually stop going. Yet, this sister never retaliated but dealt every occasion peacefully and prayerfully.

One day her husband got really angry and was planning an assault on her. He thought of accusing her of stealing his money from the closet and then killing her. So, before leaving for work one particular day, he locked the closet and took his key along. On the way, he threw the keys into the ocean and headed for work.

That day as usual this sister went to church and after prayers she went straight to the local fish market. She had also planned of making a tasty meal for her husband that day. God’s ways are marvellous and no plan against His children will ever prosper.

Look what God did —- While preparing the fish, she found a key in the fish’s belly and it looked exactly like her husband’s closet keys. The keys on the hook were also missing and so she placed that key on the hook and continued doing her work. She didn’t even have the faintest idea of what her husband was upto.

Her husband came back fully drunk and in a fit of rage. He was determined to finish his wife. As soon as he came inside the house, he began shouting and blaming her for being careless and irresponsible. Finally he accused her of losing his closet key, leapt forward to grab her by the neck and pulled out his gun to shoot her.

Moving towards the hook and pointing to it, she asked him if he was referring to that key. He was dumbfounded. How on earth did the key end upon the hook when he had thrown it into the ocean? And how did his wife buy exactly that fish which had swallowed the key? With a smile this sister narrated the entire story. Her husband immediately had a change of heart, knelt down before his wife and asked her to pray for him.

Her trust was upon the Lord who makes everything possible out of impossible. Her husband got saved later and became a good believer. She had a strong faith that God would not let her be ashamed. Hence let us also learn to place our complete trust on God for His ways are wonderful and His leading victorious.

Be blessed 💕

Note: Names and certain incidents are omitted for anonymity without compromising on the essence, for the edification of readers and believers.

Original here

Be Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen

Dr. David Hawkins – Marriage 911 Blogger

“You’re talking like a crazy man,” a woman said to her husband during a recent couple’s counseling session.

It was true. He was talking like a crazy man, where only minutes earlier he had been compassionate and caring.

“See what I mean?” she said, looking at me. “I never know when he’s going to flip and I can’t keep riding this rollercoaster.”

“C’mon,” he retorted angrily. “Let’s be fair. He hasn’t heard you scream at me. I’m not the only one that can lose their cool.”

His wife shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes.

“You can act like it’s all me,” he continued. “But, you know that behind closed doors you’re just as mean.”

“Whatever,” she said, waving him off.

I watched a scene unfold that I’d seen far too many times in my career—two people shouting each other down, making snide comments about the other’s character and only agitating one another.

As I watched this man and woman function from their “reptile brain’ I’m reminded about one of the reasons Scripture implores us to “be slow to speak, quick to listen.” I know one of the reasons why God created us with two ears and one mouth.

The woman continued blaming the man while the man blamed the woman. Each built a case as to why the other was at fault. Truth of the matter was this: I couldn’t possibly make an assessment of how this had all developed. Was he “a crazy man’ like she alleged? Did she have a hot temper as well? I had to take a much more detailed history to get a more accurate read on their situation.

Regardless of their history, one thing was extremely clear now: this way of communicating only served to agitate the other more. Blaming and shaming each other was hurtful. Ridiculing the other was disrespectful and only aggravated the situation. No communication could take place from this state.

Knowing a bit about how our brains work can help us step back and consider another approach. When agitated our primitive brain kicks into gear—fight or flight. We can process information very quickly, but only as if we were facing danger. Our frontal lobe, where we plan and execute methodical processes, is much slower.

What does this mean? When threatened we are more likely to affix blame, attack, and say hurtful things. Our “compassionate brain’ is out of order.

The implications for marriage are clear: we must be vigilant about what part of our brain is speaking. Are we calm, clear and compassionate or are we threatened, attacking and “making a point?’ Are we utilizing one of the fruits of the Spirit—self-control—or are we trying to win? Are we listening and learning about our mate, or are we preparing our case, defending our point of view?

Knowing the difference and being aware of those differences will make all the difference in the world to our marriage and to staying emotionally connected.

What else can you do to tame our primitive brain? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Cultivate awareness.

You cannot make progress unless you learn about yourself and your mate. You must know what “triggers’ you as well as learning about what “triggers’ your mate. You must also know which part of your brain you are functioning from. As you cultivate this awareness, you will have more choice over how you respond to any situation.

2. Slow things down.

We can always slow things down so that we are really thinking. Too often we plow ahead, thinking we are making progress when in fact we’re having a horrendous fight. Agree to slow things down, taking breaks to simply reflect, pray and consider what is happening.

3. Tune in to your mate.

We can help our mate function from their “best self’ by listening well to them. A little empathy and compassion go a long way to ending a fight. What has upset them? What are they trying to communicate? Are you really considering their welfare and the welfare of your marriage? Take time to understand your mate.

4. Solve real problems.

Fights occur because of real problems. In fact, repeated fights often occur because issues are not being fully attended to and resolved. Take time to determine the issue at hand, each taking a turn to share their concern and perspective.

5. Cooperate, collaborate, communicate.

Make sure you are really communicating. If you are not working together, you are likely working against each other—fighting. If fighting, stop, step back, and start over some time later. As you communicate well, collaborate well and cooperate with one another, fighting will diminish and connection will increase.

Do you know when to call a “time out?’ Do you use self-control to ensure fighting is minimized?

To get help for your marriage from Dr. Hawkins and his qualified staff, please visit The Marriage Recovery Center website or call 206-219-0145.

We’d also love to hear from you. Share your feedback below or send a confidential note to me and my team and read more about The Marriage Recovery Center and my Marriage Intensives on my website: www.marriagerecoverycenter.com. You’ll find videos and podcasts on saving a troubled marriage, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage.

https://www1.cbn.com/marriage911/be-slow-to-speak-quick-to-listen

VIDEO Surviving the Death of a Loved One

By: Redeemed on Purpose

I am sorry for the loss of your loved one. Losing someone is a pain completely unimaginable. Surviving the death of a loved one can even seem impossible. My hope is that as you continue reading, you will see a light at the end of this dark tunnel and that light is Jesus. That may not be something you want to hear, but I can tell you first hand that it is the best thing to hear.

Several years ago on June 10th, my first husband died after having a motorcycle accident. Our marriage had just been restored 1 year prior from a 9 month separation. Life was perfect as I knew it. I was now left alone to raise our little boy. I didn’t know how I was going to manage paying all of the bills and taking care of our son, maintaining our house and yard, and working full-time.

Bitterness with God could’ve set in but instead I pressed into Him. I also witnessed how different members of the family grieved, how some had peace who sought comfort in the Lord, and others no hope who tried to do it on their own. I would like to help you walk through this healing journey. It is possible to live a happy life again.

1. Why can’t God end all of the pain and suffering in this world?

The answer is… He can, and He will. Jesus did not create this world to have pain and suffering. In the Garden of Eden, there was no death or suffering. Since the fall, pain and evil has been allowed into this world by mankind. The good news is Jesus is coming back to restore everything. He loves us and does not want to see us suffering.

There have been times when I was grieving that I would wish Jesus would come back right now, so all of the suffering in the world could end. The Holy Spirit convicted me quickly. If Jesus comes back now, there is no hope left for those who do not believe in Him to go to heaven. The more time we have here, the more time we have to minister and help save as many souls as possible. He is graceful and will come back at the perfect time.

Apologist Ravi Zacharias answers tough questions about God and Christianity. For more on this question, please watch this video of Ravi Zacharias. You can also view it at the end of this post.  

2. How do I find peace while I am suffering the loss of a family member?

It is possible to find peace in the pain. I would spend my nights crying in pain from not having my husband, but I would cling onto God. In the flesh, I would try to stay up all night cleaning to wear myself out and be tired, but that didn’t help me. I would play worship music as I tried to sleep and just cry, and cry, and cry again to Jesus. There was a supernatural comfort that would come over me. Many nights I would have TBN playing on the TV. When I would wake up in the middle of the night, I would hear a word from God that would settle my spirit. As I worshipped Him in tears, I could literally feel His love and peace upon me.

3. What can I do now?

I recommend gathering with a group of believers who can love and support you. Having a church family to encourage you, uplift you, and give you a shoulder to cry on is healing in itself. You can also join a support group such a GriefShare.

Do not hold in your feelings. Focus on God’s promises. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV

Your family member would want you to continue living life to the fullest, not to survive but to thrive, to love others, to truly know the love of Jesus.

Fast forward years later, God absolutely provided for me. I became a Registered Nurse with all of my tuition paid for. God used family, friends, and even random people to bless my son and I. My relationship with God and faith grew even deeper. I am now married to the most amazing man that I have always dreamed of, and my son has the dad he had always prayed for. My life is better than I could have even imagined or planned. God is so faithful. 

^“Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4

My husband’s books are also great resources to help you see God in all of your trials, and that there is purpose in the pain. Please comment below with any other encouraging tips for someone else who is also walking through this journey. 

 

https://redeemedonpurpose.com/2019/06/10/surviving-the-death-of-a-loved-one/