The purpose of a relationship is to know your partner very well, maintain sexual purity and sharpen each other in preparation for marriage.
When the purpose of a relationship is not known, then abuse is inevitable.
Abuse of a relationship is the misuse of the purpose of a relationship.
Many who are in a relationship today fail to identify and follow the purpose of a relationship, rather they follow what people say or what they feel about how a relationship should be.
1. SEXUAL ABUSE.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
We are in a world where people don’t read the Bible and many who read the Bible do not follow what is written there.
Sex or romance is met to only happen between husband and wife not between ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend or fiance and fiancee. That’s how God designed it. Anything thing outside that is relationship abuse.
A relationship is not met for a man to examine all the local government in your body as a lady.
A relationship is not met for sex chats.
A relationship is not met for sending nudes.
A relationship is not met for premarital romance or sex.
You are abusing yourself and your relationship if you do anything like that.
A Brother told me how he raped the fiancee and he did not know what came over him. She later got pregnant and they were both embarrassed in their fellowship.
It’s because he doesn’t know the purpose of a relationship.
A relationship is not met to be staying in a room together when they are not married despite scripture warns you to abstain from all appearances of evil.
A Brother or Sister who asks for premarital sex does not know the purpose of a relationship and such is not ripe for a relationship.
Such persons need sexual purity class not relationship.
A Brother who attempts to rape you does not know the purpose of a relationship. Such deserve nothing but break up.
A sister who attempts to lure you into premarital sex or romance is yet to know the purpose of a relationship.
A partner who cheats while in a relationship with you does not know the purpose of a relationship, such needs self control not relationship.
You cannot abuse the purpose of relationship and your relationship and marriage will not be abused.
You can’t break or abuse God’s law of sexual purity and God will not permit the devil to abuse your your relationship and marriage.
A man who asks you for premarital sex, if you get pregnant, he will deny or probably ask you to commit abortion, and if you lose your womb or die while commiting abortion, he will marry another lady and have children.
As a lady, you must guide your body jealously and be selfish by not allowing any man touch or come into your temple for sex or romance except by marriage.
2. VERBAL ABUSE.
A Brother explained how his fiancee insulted, embarrass and ridicule him just because he gave account of their relationship to his mentor.
A sister or brother who abuse you verbally in a relationship doesn’t know the purpose of a relationship, such doesn’t need a relationship yet but a class on how to bridle his or her own tongue 😝 .
If you are in a relationship where your partner insult and embarrasses you without any sign of growing up or changing, then it’s time to break up!
Do not tolerate, condone or accept verbal abuse from any partner in a relationship because it would continue in marriage.
If your partner does not value you, there’s a Brother or Sister praying night and day just to be in a relationship with someone like you.
Anyone who stays in verbally abusive relationship is suffering from inferiority complex and low self esteem, the earlier you discover this and walk away, the better.
3. PHYSICAL ABUSE.
A Brother who slaps or hit you in a relationship will kill you with beating in marriage.
A sister who jack up your shirt and threaten you to beat her up will be a trouble maker in marriage.
A Brother who threaten to hit, beat or slap you if you repeat an action that’s not sinful will turn you into a punching bag.
Why are you still with him despite he hits you? Money or sex? Your mates are making their own money without the effort of any man. You will not forever be horny in marriage if it’s sex, don’t be fooled!
A sister that Jacks up or hold your shirt in a relationship doesn’t know the purpose of a relationship, such will be physically abusive in marriage.
A friend told me of a lady who canceled her wedding just because the husband-to-be slapped her during their traditional wedding because they had an intense argument.
I salute the courage of the young lady who saved herself from abusive marriage.
Physical abuse is never a mistake in a relationship.
Why don’t you make a mistake of hitting a soldier or fellow men when you have arguments or disagreement?
Holy Spirit will not Lead you to hit your partner.
A spiritual man cannot hit you in a relationship.
4. FINANCIAL ABUSE.
It’s called relationship not sponsorship.
It’s called relationship not Father to daughter thing.
I have seen several ladies who say he has not bought me anything or given me money since we started this relationship.
I usually ask such lady, what have you bought him or how much have you given him since you started the relationship?
There’s no rule that says a man must give you money for your hair do, dress and shoulder all your expenses in a relationship when it’s not marriage.
It’s called relationship because both of you are supposed to relate whatever you have and share it together not one sided.
A lady told me that she gave close to 300k to her fiancee and he used the money to marry another lady.
Don’t give any man your money in a relationship except he has passed the TESTS OF TRUST.
A man that loves you will buy you things or give you money willingly without asking because he knows your value and worths.
HOW TO AVOID ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP!
1. Don’t go into a relationship with a sinner or someone who doesn’t know the purpose of a relationship. A sinner is someone who doesn’t have genuine salvation experience.
2. Have relationship mentor and be accountable.
You should have a relationship mentor who you give the weekly and monthly account of your relationship to.
Both of you can decide to choose a mentor you are accountable to.
If your partner says he or she doesn’t believe in relationship mentor or accountability, then such may be an abuser except if everything is going on well in the relationship.
Most abusive relationship doesn’t have parental or pastoral mentorship.
3. Don’t make your relationship secret.
A relationship like ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend that your parents do not approve of usually end up being abusive.
Carry your physical or spiritual parents along in your relationship and let them be aware of your partner misbehavior or change in behavior so that they can call him or her to order.
4. Attend seminars and conferences together.
Attend relationship and spiritual growth conferences and seminars together so that you can sharpen your inner person.
5. Be Financially Independent.
Don’t be idle.
Make your own money.
Don’t depend on your partner before you buy Airtime and personal expenses.
Stop begging or asking your partner for money.
Avoid unnecessary borrowing of money from your partner.
It’s difficult to abuse someone who is financially stable.
6. Don’t make your partner feel like you can’t do without them.
When your partner realizes that you are desperate, you may become a victim of abuse.
If you are the only one initiating calls and chats then you are acting desperate, and you may be abused.
A relationship built on abuse, the marriage will be abusive, enduring and may not last.
Don’t accept any form of abuse in a relationship.
Develop high self confidence and self esteem.
You are wonderfully and beautifully made.
God’s will for you is not to be in an abusive relationship.
God won’t tempt you with an abusive partner. Don’t be deceived. Abusive partner is not your cross in a relationship. The only cross ➕ Jesus gave you is preaching of the Gospel not abusive partner.
If your relationship is abusive, the only solution is to break up.
You can’t change a man or woman because you are not the Holy Spirit.
Don’t marry him or her thinking such will change. People rarely change in marriage.
Most women and men in abusive marriage today saw it coming in a relationship but they were thinking he or she would change, it’s too late for them now because they are already married.
Even if you divorce due to abuse, the stigma and trauma of divorce can never leave you for life.
It’s better to break up from abusive partner now in a relationship, than to marry and be praying every day.
1 Peter 4:14
If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.
15. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.
16. Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.
17. For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God
–Oluwaniyi Aderopo Hezekiah